When Uninvited Guests, Loss and Grief, Come Knocking

Louann Hillesland, MA

Each morning brings us a new start, a sense of something special that could happen on this new day. But, sometimes an unwelcome, unexpected and uninvited guest, Loss visits us, instead. Death of a loved one, divorce, loss of our health, work, or the death of our dreams…every loss, large and small, brings Grief along with it. How we deal with these losses and the accompanying grief has everything to do with the quality of our lives.

We may get advice from those around us that hurts, rather than helps our road to recovery. This is unintentional, of course. Lots of myths surround grief and loss. Have you heard of any of these unhelpful myths about grief?

* Recovery means forgetting about a loved one

* Time heals all wounds

* Loss makes you a loser so hide it at all costs

* Grieve alone

* Don’t be so emotional, bury your feelings

* Replace the loss

* Be strong for others

* Don’t talk about it

* Get a hold of your self

* Quit dwelling in the past

* Don’t think about it

* Think happy thoughts

* Just get over it

So what exactly is grief and recovery?

Grief is the normal process of emotions experienced after any loss. So it is natural, normal, a process, emotional, unique for each of us, and something from which we can recover.

Recovery is the renewal of hope; once again waking up with a new sense of something special that could happen on this new day. Recovery is regaining control of the parts of life that we can control, feeling better, enjoying fond memories without those old painful feelings, realizing that we may still feel bad sometimes, being able to share feelings, and also realizing that sharing can help others cope with losses. Recovery is finding new meaning and regaining the desire to live again.

Grief support groups provide a safe place for individuals to talk and work through grief. Hospice or your church sometimes provides grief/loss support groups, or consider individual or family appointments. Call Louann at Counseling Connection-llc, 303-721-0005.